Adam Wenger / Columnist
Published Monday, November 5, 2007
Issue 30 / Volume 88
Just when you thought life couldn’t possibly get any more exciting, Bigfoot pops his beautiful face - OK fine, it was his back, but whatever - out of the forest. Reports out of Pennsylvania have Bigfoot enthusiasts jumping out of their socks.
As the story goes, Rick Jacobs went hunting in the Allegheny National Forest, hoping to photograph deer with an automatic camera he had tied to a tree. Instead, he was shocked to discover he had taken a photo of what could be described as Sasquatch, or Bigfoot. After contacting the Bigfoot Research Organization - like this wouldn’t exist - the man found support for his theory that Bigfoot actually exists. Paul Majeta, of the Bigfoot group, was confidant in what Jacobs’ photos yielded. “It appears to be a primate-like animal. In my opinion, it appears to be a juvenile Sasquatch,” he said.
If you haven’t seen the picture, there’s not much to it. Basically, all you can make out is a blurry looking shot of a black, furry creature, which appears to be bending over provocatively. One could argue it’s attempting to do yoga. That argument wouldn’t settle well with Bigfoot enthusiasts, however, who are jumping at the opportunity to label this photograph the real deal. Skeptics, meanwhile, say the photo is merely a bear suffering from a serious case of mange.
But to me, that just screams, “Cop out.” First of all, lets look at who these skeptics are: biologists. These are the same people who try to tell me that the earth is round, and that we all evolved from a big explosion. Right. While biologists should be the ones leading the search for Bigfoot, instead they’re scaring him away, keeping him pent up in the depths of the forestry, sad, lonely and beleaguered.
Now tell me this. When was the last time a biologist looked past books, pie charts and DNA samples? If biologists would take off their safety goggles and open up their eyes to the real world, they would see the idea of Bigfoot isn’t that far fetched. They would also realize that when former Presidents Gerald Ford and Jimmy Carter claimed to have seen UFOs, they weren’t just senile old men.
I’m not one to say aliens are visiting this earth on a constant basis and giant, bear-like creatures are roaming our forests, but I see no reason why unidentified aircraft couldn’t occasionally penetrate our skies or a funky animal couldn’t occasionally visit our national parks. Laugh at me all you will, but whoever said humans know what the hell is going on in this world anyway? Evolution makes perfect sense to me, and so does the Pythagorean theorem. I also believe that anyone in Kansas who tries to teach “intelligent design” deserves to be lambasted. Yet, none of this explains why six billion people are occupying a planet that is powered by a gigantic star. In my mind, that makes just as much sense as a UFO. You could argue Bigfoot is a big stretch, because if he did exist, he would be documented by now. But who would do the documenting? Answer: scientists. So, really, it’s all one big circle. And I don’t like circles. They don’t get you anywhere.
Bigfoot has become a part of pop culture. He’s shown his face in movies, commercials, you name it. As for me, I write about pop culture. Therefore, by the transitive property, I am Bigfoot. No wait, that can’t be right.
Whatever the case, I know this to be true: Bigfoot might have been photographed in Pennsylvania, and people are brushing it off as a bad case of mange? If you’re going to be a skeptic, you could at least come up with a better excuse than a skin infestation. For those of you who think this is all a big joke, you can take your ignorance and go home. I, on the other hand, will go watch “Harry and the Hendersons” and believe.
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